From abuser to activist: Patrick Shai on reforming his life [video]
From being called a ‘monster’ to inspiring South Africans as an anti-GBV activist: Here’s how Patrick Shai left behind his abusive past.
Prior to his death, Patrick Shai was considered an outspoken and charismatic activist for gender-based violence (GBV) in South Africa.
His new role, however, seems world apart from once being hailed a “monster” by his wife after she described being battered and bruised at his hands. The veteran actor – who tragically ended his life over the weekend – was a self-confessed abuser and regularly assaulted his wife for over 20 years.
But the 65-year-old star put his old life behind him in a quest to do and be better. He also encouraged other men to follow suit in protecting both women and children.
PATRICK SHAI’S WIFE DESCRIBES ABUSE
Speaking to Drum magazine in 2017, Mmasechaba Shai described her years of abuse by Patrick Shai.
She said: “He would call me horrible names which left me crippled emotionally. Patrick turned into a monster when he was under the influence of alcohol. I could not believe that the man who loved me would say such words to me.
“The verbal abuse turned physical. Every time I heard his car park in the garage in the middle of the night I prepared myself for him. He would chase me in the middle of the night and beat me up until I turned blue”.
Mmasechaba – who was married to Patrick Shai for nearly 40 years – also revealed that she opened many charges of assault against her husband, only to later drop them.
She continued: “The morning after the beatings, he would apologise and promise never to lay his hands on me again. He would take me to the doctor and nurse my wounds like a loving husband. But as soon as he was drunk, he would go back to his bad behaviour”.
Mmasechaba tried to protect Patrick Shai from bad press by hiding the truth. She added: “I was also ashamed that people would know about the abuse…mastered the art of hiding the bruises and scars to the point that no one, even my family and colleagues, suspected anything”.
A ‘ROAD TO DAMASCUS’ MOMENT
In 2010, Patrick Shai opened up about his breakthrough which made him leave his abusive past behind. The actor took on the role of an abuse husband called Thabang in the hit SABC series Soul City.
Describing it as a “road to Damascas” moment, told Drum magazine of his epiphany: “The house we were filming in suddenly became mine, my co-star became my real wife, the kids were mine – it was as if I was beating my wife as usual. It was strange.
“Something switched. God used the talent he’d given me to open my eyes and show me the pain I was causing my family. For the first time I could really see my own family and their helplessness. I could hear the cries of my wife and my child begging me not to kill his mom.”
Following the scene Patrick Shai confessed to having an emotional breakdown on set.
“No one understood what was going on. I couldn’t stop crying. We stopped filming but when I couldn’t calm down, we wrapped up for the day. I needed help and I knew it.
Patrick Shai decided to reform his life and sought counselling from an unnamed anti-GBV activist.
He added: “We spent those weeks exorcising the demons in me. I realised where the problems had come from and that everything I wanted for my family was in danger of slipping away.”
PATRICK SHAI ANTI-GBV WORK
Patrick Shai decided to throw himself into campaigning against GBV. This led him to appear in a Brother’s For Life TV advertisement talking about his own experiences.
He also founded the Khuluma Ndoda Men’s Social Movement Against Violence to help abusive men reform their lives.
He told Drum magazine of his new philosophy: “Abusers try to impose their own insecurities and issues on others, and it’s wrong. I don’t want my daughter to grow up as the embodiment of the victim her mother was. And I don’t want my sons to beat women like their father did”.
Most recently Patrick Shai took part in several campaigns and rally to fight the scourge of GBV in the country